You know your work is good. Your results speak for themselves. The people around you come to you for advice, leadership, and solutions — and you deliver, every single time.
And yet, when it's time to negotiate your salary, set your rate, or simply tell someone what you bring to the table, something shifts. You hesitate. You qualify. You settle for less than you know you're worth — and then spend weeks wondering why.
This isn't a confidence problem. It's a pattern. And it has a name.
The Good Girl Tax
High-achieving women — particularly Black women who have had to work twice as hard to earn half the recognition — often carry an invisible cost I call the Good Girl Tax.
It's the habit of making yourself smaller to make others more comfortable. Of waiting to be invited instead of stepping forward. Of pricing your services below market because you don't want to seem greedy. Of accepting the first offer because negotiating feels rude.
The Good Girl Tax shows up as:
- → Taking on extra work without asking for extra compensation
- → Accepting feedback without pushing back, even when it's wrong
- → Saying yes when you mean no because you don't want to disappoint
- → Charging what you think people will pay instead of what your work is worth
- → Downplaying your accomplishments so others don't feel threatened
Every one of these behaviors has a real financial and professional cost. And most of us were taught them before we were old enough to realize we had a choice.
Step 1: Audit the Ways You're Undervaluing Yourself Right Now
Before you can change the pattern, you have to see it clearly. This week, pay attention to:
- → When do you say yes and mean no?
- → When do you qualify your accomplishments with "but" or "just" or "only"?
- → When do you volunteer to do more without asking for more in return?
- → When do you accept someone else's assessment of your value over your own?
Write it down. Most women are shocked by how often it happens — not because they're weak, but because these habits are so deeply ingrained they've become invisible.
You cannot advocate for a value you haven't fully claimed for yourself. The audit is where that claiming begins.
Step 2: Know Your Number — and Own It
Whether you're negotiating a salary, setting a coaching rate, or pricing a service, most women start from the wrong question. They ask: What will they agree to? Instead of: What is this worth?
Here's how to find your real number:
- → Research the market. What do people in comparable roles or with comparable expertise earn? Use salary databases, peer conversations, and industry benchmarks.
- → Calculate your full value. Not just your time — your expertise, your results, your track record, and the cost of the problem you solve.
- → Add a negotiation buffer. Ask for more than your floor. You can always come down. You can never go up from a number you've already stated.
- → Say the number out loud. Practice it until it stops feeling uncomfortable. The discomfort is just unfamiliarity — it fades with repetition.
The goal isn't to be unreasonable. The goal is to stop being unreasonably humble.
Step 3: Change the Language You Use About Yourself
The way you talk about yourself shapes how others see you — and how you see yourself. Most women have a deeply embedded habit of minimizing their contributions before anyone else can.
You're not bragging. You're being accurate. There's a difference — and it's an important one.
Step 4: Negotiate Like It's Expected — Because It Is
Negotiation is not conflict. It's not greed. It's not aggressive or ungrateful. It's professional. It's expected. And almost everyone on the other side of the table is doing it.
Negotiate from curiosity, not desperation.
The person who needs the deal most has the least leverage. Go into every negotiation knowing you have options — even if you haven't found them yet.
Never accept the first offer.
The first offer is a starting point. Thank them, express your enthusiasm, and counter. Almost always, there's room.
Silence is your friend.
After you state your ask, stop talking. The discomfort of silence will push you to fill it — usually by lowering your number. Don't. Let them respond first.
Negotiate the full package.
If the salary won't move, ask about remote flexibility, title, vacation, development budget, or review timeline. There is almost always something to negotiate.
Every time you don't negotiate, you're leaving something on the table. And over a career, that adds up to hundreds of thousands of dollars — and a self-concept that keeps telling you to ask for less.
Step 5: Build a Daily Practice of Advocating
Advocating for your worth isn't just a one-time negotiation conversation. It's a daily practice — in how you speak about your work, how you respond to feedback, how you set your boundaries, and how you show up in every room.
Start small:
- → This week, take full credit for one accomplishment — out loud, to someone who matters
- → The next time someone asks your rate or salary expectations, give your real number first
- → Say no to one thing that isn't worth your time without over-explaining why
- → When someone minimizes your contribution, correct them — calmly and clearly
Each of these moments is a deposit in the account of your own self-worth. Over time, they compound.
You Are Not Asking for Too Much
Somewhere along the way, you were taught that wanting more was a character flaw. That ambitious women are difficult. That knowing your worth and saying so out loud is somehow impolite.
It isn't. It never was.
The women who get paid what they deserve, promoted when they're ready, and respected in every room they enter are not more talented than you. They're just more practiced at believing — and saying out loud — that they're worth it.
You are worth it. Now it's time to act like it.
Ready to stop undervaluing yourself?
The Speak Up & Stand Out Intensive is a two-session coaching experience designed to help you communicate your value — and get paid what you're worth.
Book Your Free Discovery Call →